Day 366/366 - Good Riddance, 2012

I know, I know - I should be ending this blog on a positive note.  LOL

But let’s face it - 2012 mostly sucked for me:

  • I spent 6 1/2 months of the year unemployed… and the last 2 1/2 months I spent employed were at a terrible place.
  • I ended up having to miss three - THREE - concerts that I had already bought tickets for and was looking forward to: Nice Peter in April, because the Digitour and Neuro suck major ass; Fitz and the Tantrums in September, because the show was on my second day of work at the Terrible Place, and I didn’t want to come into my third day of work exhausted; and Rush (RUSH!!!) in October, because my dog was about to die, and did.  I had never missed a concert that I already had tickets to in my life - and this year I missed three.  Including a fucking Rush show, which I never thought would ever happen.
  • My “best friend” and I “broke up”, as it were.
  • My mother went into the hospital with a burst appendix, and came out diagnosed with colon cancer.
  • My grandfather went into the hospital, and never came out.
  • My dog died, fairly suddenly.

Yeah.

2012 can blow me.

That said, there were good moments too - I got closer to other friends when my so-called best friend walked out of my life.  I met some great people and made some new friends at the Terrible Place, which was quite literally the only good part of that job.  I managed to get a refund on my Digitour ticket, plus a refund for my Greyhound fare to Buffalo for the Rush show.  It is believed that all of my mother’s cancer was removed when it was initially found, and the chemo she was on was only just in case - and since then, it has been decided that she no longer needs chemo.  I didn’t spend the entire year unemployed.  I wasn’t homeless or seriously ill.  I discovered Cards Against Humanity and Doctor Who.

Annnnnd… I completed my second Project 365 in a row!

Thanks to those of you who have stuck around again this year - thanks for putting up with my disappointingly boring life and my, uh, erratic posting schedule :-P  I am definitely going to start that Reverse 365 Project next year (aka tomorrow); I just haven’t entirely decided where I’m going to post.  So tomorrow you’ll either see a new post here starting the new project, or a post with the link to the new project.  We shall see!

I will also be starting the “Good Moments In A Jar” project (lol) tomorrow (or whenever something good happens), so I’ll likely post updates on that here as well.

Here’s to 2013!  It’s gotta be better than this year, right?! ;-P

Day 364/366 - A Jarring Realization

For some reason this afternoon I was struck with the horrifying realization that I may only ever be able to truly move forward in my life if I learn to drive.

Why is this horrifying?

Because I am terrified of learning to drive.

I have no problem with being in a car when someone else is at the wheel, but the idea of me being behind the wheel of a 1000-pound death machine?  NO THANKS o_O

It just sucks, because driving may really be the ONLY way for me to get where I want to be.  Relying on public transit limits my job opportunities.  When I am working, the commute is part of what makes the week so exhausting - I’ve mentioned here before that I really need downtime to be happy, and depending on my work hours and the length of the commute, that downtime can be extremely limited.  Then there’s the fact that, for a very long time now, I have wanted to move out of the Greater Toronto Area, or at the very least, leave Mississauga.  I’ve lived here my entire life, and while I do like the city… I’m also tired of it.  I want to go somewhere new, somewhere out of my comfort zone.  And that is really hard to do when you don’t have a way of getting there.

But then there’s the fact that I’m terrified of driving.

Hell, even if I could somehow get past that fear long enough to even try learning, I’d still need the money for the classes, and the test, and gas… and then eventually a car of my own, and upkeep, and insurance, and gas… how the hell am I going to afford that when I can’t even afford to move out of my parents’ house without a car?

*sigh*

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Day 361/366 - Change of Plans?

So, as I’ve mentioned here before, I’ve had no intention of doing another Project 365 next year.  I’ve done it for two years straight, and I need a break.  Plus, as we all know, my life is not particularly interesting, which makes it tough to do daily posts.  I decided a while ago that I wanted to do the whole "put happy moments in a jar and then read them at the end of the year" thing next year, and I still totally intend to do that - I’ve already bought the jar at the dollar store, so now I’m committed :-P

But the other day I was reading through Photojojo’s Photo Ideas For The New Year, and the last one on the list really interested me: The Reverse 365 Project.  Basically, instead of posting a new photo of the generally mundane aspects of life every day, you post old photos from your archives that you haven’t shared before.  I find this particularly appealing because I have TONS of unshared photos that I haven’t even organized yet, much less edited & shared.  I’ve been meaning to work on organizing my photography archives for a long-ass time now anyways - maybe the Reverse 365 will be the kick in the pants I need to actually DO it?

Really, my biggest concern is not being able to post every day.  Ironically, I worry that I’ll end up with more of a backlog than I have in previous P365s, because the process of culling & editing photos can be time-consuming, especially if you’re working through a large shoot.  Augh.  I don’t know.  I also don’t know if I’d want to post the project here on this blog, or over on my “photography business” blog/Flickr account (I say “business” because the sucker is dead in the water.  lol)… I was considering posting the photos on Flickr and then making the blog posts here, but I’m never sure how much I want to mix my business “reputation” with my personal life.  I may very well do it over at the “business” blog, and I’ll just post the link to the full blog here?  Of course, my business has my full name in it… Bleh.  I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOO.

Day 357/366 - The Frustration Continues…

… but now it’s not just my arm.

No, now it’s also my head.  I’ve had a non-stop headache since about 12:30 yesterday afternoon, so as of this writing, it’s been going for approximately 33 1/2 hours o_O  Granted, it hasn’t been nearly as bad as it was yesterday - and neither has my arm, actually - but still… annoying.  Especially since I’d intended to indulge in some adult beverages this evening.  lol  Since its better today (but still there), hopefully it’ll clear up by tomorrow?

Ugh.

Day 354/366 - Not That Spirited

I’m not much of a Christmas person.  Haven’t been much of one since I was a teenager.  Initially, it was a purposeful withdrawal from the holiday - when I first realized I was atheist, at the age of 15, my immediate reaction was to cast-off any and all Christianity-related things, and as such I sort of forced myself to hate Christmas.

Oddly enough, the religious aspect of it doesn’t really bother me at all anymore - I get annoyed when my parents start playing religious Christmas music or whatever, but that’s in part because they don’t know that I’m no longer Christian, so I kinda have to keep my mouth shut and put up with it :-P  Now most of my Christmas-disliking comes from economic reasons.  For starters, I do like buying presents for people - I just hate that I’m expected to buy them for everybody, all at once, whether I can afford it or not.  That makes it an obligation, rather than something I’m doing to make others happy.  On top of that, years of working retail at Christmas time has made me loathe a lot of the traditional things that bring other people joy, such as the music and a lot of the decorations; I haven’t participated in decorating our tree in years.  My parents went out to look at Christmas lights tonight, and invited me, but I declined.  (To be fair, I did consider going… lol)

Plus, our family has long stopped doing a lot of the traditions we had as a kid.  We never go visit family anymore, with the exception of my grandparents (well, just my grandmother & my great aunt, now).  We never do any Christmas baking.  It’s a very rare year when my parents decide to actually give us stockings anymore.  Basically, there are things about Christmas that I could definitely still enjoy, but we don’t do them anymore.  Hell, this year we’re not even getting a traditional Christmas dinner - my grandmother & great aunt are coming over for a late lunch, so we’re doing Christmas Dinner, American Thanksgiving Style, and eating a turkey at 1 p.m. :-P

And on top of all that… I’ve been feeling even less spirited than normal this year.  No idea why.  I’d say it’s due to the lack of snow, but I fucking hate snow, so… LOL  Then I think that maybe it’s because I’m unemployed and never leave the house, so I’m in a funk, but… I was unemployed last Christmas, too (yaaaaay), and I still had a least a little spirit this close to the holiday.  I mean, hell, I watched Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer - one of the few Christmas specials I’m still willing to watch - for the first time in a number of years the other day, and it really did nothing for me.  I almost feel bad about how little I’m feeling it this year.

Of course, my dad isn’t helping at all - twice now he’s mocked me for wanting us to have seasonal food in the house.  He brought home Christmas-themed ice cream a few weeks ago, and as soon as I mentioned it, he was all, “Ohhhh, but you don’t LIKE Christmas, especially not THIS early!  You don’t get to have any!”  I still got to have some, but it was annoying.  And then today I mentioned that, if we’re not having any Christmas baking, we should at least get those Pillsbury cookies with the Christmas trees on them.  His response?  “Ohhhh, but you don’t LIKE Christmas until the day of!  And even THEN you’re not that big on it!”

Seriously?  This from the guy who, for two years running, has insisted we get him nothing other than a donation to charity for Christmas?  So then we all feel like shit because we have things to open on Christmas morning and he doesn’t?

Yeah.  I think next time when he gets all “Ohhhh, but you don’t LIKE Christmas!”, I’m going to point out that his mocking me doesn’t help with that :-P

I dunno.  It’s weird that I’m literally not feeling anything about the holiday.  It’s also weird that it’s bothering me.  lol  I think it’s because I’ve felt for a while now that I’ll enjoy Christmas again when I can figure out my own way to celebrate it, and/or when I have kids to be excited for.  Is that possible when I don’t really care at all at this point in my life? o_O

Day 353/366 - Frustrated

Yesterday and the first half of today, I naively thought my arm was getting better.  Yesterday, the majority of the pain was in my shoulder, rather than my entire arm, and it felt more like a knot, like I’d slept on it funny or something, rather than the more intense pain I’ve been experiencing the past two weeks.  This made what pain I did have quite manageable.  Then for the first half of today, the pain was no longer in my shoulder, and was instead spread out along my arm again, but it wasn’t too bad.

But for the last few hours, the “ARGH I CAN’T FOCUS” level of pain has been back.  Granted, it’s faded in and out, but it’s pretty bad right now, and it’s frustrating as all hell.  This has been going on for two weeks now.  Go away already.

(And for the record, I’d intended to call the doctor by the two-week mark, but basically this is the time of year that it’s impossible to get into see him, so… I’m just gonna have to suck it up until the holidays are over, I guess…)

Day 351/366 - Well NOW What Am I Going To Watch?

So Survivor ended tonight.

I’m okay with the outcome, although the guy I wanted to win went out fourth and was robbed, in my opinion.

The reunion also ended in an uncomfortable, semi-rapey way when Dawson ran up and kissed Probst on the mouth.  And held the kiss for longer than you’d expect/want to see.

Of course, everybody laughed it off like it was “cute” that she’d just sexually assaulted Probst… *sigh*  Here’s hoping her creepy ass gets banned from all future Survivor events, because… ugh.

So anyways, now I’m left wondering what the hell I’m going to watch for the next two months?

The Walking Dead, The Amazing Race and Survivor are all over until February.  (At least, I assume that’s when TAR & Survivor are coming back.)

Canada’s Worst Driver ends tonight, although I won’t see the episode until one of the repeats later this week.

The Fifth Estate, a documentary/news program here on the CBC, is done for the year.

I’m pretty sure Intervention is almost done for the year.  48 Hours too.

I’m guessing Dateline and 20/20 are just about done for the year, and if they aren’t, all the remaining episodes will probably be holiday themed, which - no thanks.

Not to mention that my weekly TLC marathons of Dateline / 48 Hours / 20/20 / Untold Stories of the ER keep getting replaced by marathons of Christmas lights shows.

Ugh.  lol

So there’s Panic 911, and… that’s about it.  And I don’t even know how many episodes of Panic 911 are left.

OH!  And while I was waiting for Survivor to finally start (it didn’t start until 9 p.m. due to football/Obama speaking at the Newtown memorial service), the channel here that carries Survivor was playing Bob’s Burgers.  Tumblr first turned me on to that show, and I’ve been wanting to actually see an episode of it ever since.  I was really excited, and was enjoying the ep that was playing… and then they cut to Obama.

*sigh*

DAMN YOU, TV!

Day 348/366 - FUUUUUUU!!!!

Okay, so this actually happened yesterday, but I didn’t find out about it until after midnight, so technically it was today, plus it’s been bugging me all day, so fuck it - I’m posting about it today.

I turn my phone off at night so that it doesn’t wake me up with random wrong numbers or whatever.  I have an old, non-smart flip phone, so I need to flip the phone open to turn it off.  So as I was heading to bed last night, I did just that - and when I opened the phone, I was greeted with a message stating that I had “two missed alerts”.  One was just my alarm from when I took a nap (lol), but the other was a missed call.

The number of that call was that of The Place I’ve Interviewed At Twice Now.

And they did not leave a message.

I… what?

I can’t even call them back, because I’ve spoken to three or four different people there, and since they didn’t leave a message, I don’t know who called me, nor why they called.

I am so confused… why would they call me and then NOT leave a message?  The only thing I can think of is that one of their seasonal people left, and they were desperate for a quick replacement?  I don’t know.

Very weird.  Very frustrating.

Day 346/366 - ~Dramaz~ and Pain, Pain and ~Dramaz~

So.

Yes.

The arm is still being a bitch.  I’m starting to think the only reason it felt like it as getting better over the weekend was because I spent a lot of time watching TV/YouTube, rather than clicking around the Internet.

Guess I’m gonna have to do some more of that :-/

Also.

Most of today got swallowed up by following the Ray William Johnson/Maker Studios drama.

When it all started a few months ago I reserved judgement, as I like them both and didn’t want to end up hating one because of the other.

Then today’s drama happened, and… I don’t even know what to think anymore.  About either party.  They’re both acting like spoiled children who need to be sent to their rooms for a time out.

Ugh.

The best comment I saw today, on any of the articles or videos about the situation, was the one that said that this has been a sad day for the YouTube community.

Sad indeed.

Day 345/366 - Three Things

1) Had my “interview”, of sorts, with the government today, re: my former employer screwing up and not deducting stuff from my paychecks.  It seemed to go well… we’ll see.

2) I have still not yet heard back from the Job That I Interviewed For Twice… “in about 5 days” was today, so…

3) Waiting until this late to make a post here was a really, really stupid idea - after spending most of the weekend with my arm seemingly healing, it decided to be a bitch again today, and right now it is killing me, and typing is increasingly difficult.  I probably should have done this during one of the lulls in the pain… ugh.