Day 174/366 - One More Week

One more week until my job is finished.

Considering how shitty this last week or so has been, due mainly to exhaustion and overheating, I’m happy about this on a lot of levels.

But I’m also extremely sad/frustrated/scared, because I haven’t found a new job yet.  I haven’t even had a bite.

I am terrified that I’m going to be unemployed for six months again.

On one hand, I’m trying to tell myself it won’t happen, if only because I am desperate enough at this point to apply to retail jobs - as much as the very idea makes me want to cry.  I have decided that if I haven’t found a non-retail job by my birthday (late July, or approx. one month after I started searching), I will start looking (very begrudgingly) at retail.  Surely I must at least be able to find something there, right?

And of course, on the other hand… I’m terrified that I won’t even be able to find something there.

I just don’t understand what’s so fucking wrong with me.  I’m nearly 30 years old, and I can’t get my life off the fucking ground.  I’ve done all the “right” things, haven’t I?  I finished high school.  I went to college.  I graduated college with honours.  I’ve worked shit-tons of thankless jobs.  And yet I can’t find - or keep - a damn job that will allow me to move the fuck out of my parents’ house.

WTF is wrong with me?

Day 164/366 - Good News and Bad News

Good News:  Started my new anti-depressant/anxiety prescription this morning.  I had a random burst of energy for the first half of my shift at work today - don’t know if it was coincidence or if the meds are already starting to work.  Hoping it was the latter.

Good News:  My Clockwork Angels vinyl came today!  Haven’t got a chance to go through it yet, but even the cover looks better big!

Bad News:  Found out at the end of my shift today that as of July 1st, the company I’ve been working for will no longer require the services of the temp agency through which I was hired.  Meaning they will no longer require my services either.  Yeah.  So I did end up losing my job - I just lost it with 2 1/2 weeks notice :-P

So… this should be interesting… :-/

Day 158/366 - Well, That Was Easier Than Expected…

The doctor’s appointment today went much smoother than anticipated.  I got my meds adjusted no problem, although I don’t start the new prescription until next Wednesday, after I finish my current prescription.  I’m debating whether it’s even worth it to finish off the old script, though - it’s not like it’s working for me anymore :-P  I mean, yeah, I’ve already paid for them, but if they’re not working, why take them?  I dunno.

On top of that, I got free birth control!  LMAO  I mentioned that I only have one repeat left on my current prescription, and he was like, “Oh wait, I think I have some…”  And he gave me two sample packs.  Sweeeeeet.  That’ll come in handy with all that sex I’m having………. oh, wait :-P

Day 157/366 - Here Goes Nothing

Doctor’s appointment tomorrow.  Hoping to get my anti-depressant/anxiety prescription adjusted/changed without much issue.  Hoping he doesn’t make me go to a psychiatrist/psychologist first… A) Because I’ve only got enough of my current meds to last me until next Tuesday, and I would hate to have to pay for a repeat of my current script (which clearly is no longer working) while I wait to get in to see someone, and B) Because all the brain doctors I’ve been to thus far have sucked.  Even the one that started me on meds was only good for that - he absolutely refused to give me any type of talk therapy.  He insisted I didn’t need it, even though I wanted it.  And then my GP (who I’m seeing tomorrow) sent me to someone else, he he was absolutely batshit crazy… argh.  Just give me the drugs already!  lol  We’ll see what happens…

Day 142/366 - Epic FAIL

Yeah, so…

Totally planned to make a Wreck This video today.

Except my mother was asleep in the next room ALL. DAY., and then by the time she finally got up… yeah, I’d completely forgotten about it :-x

But I guess it’s for the best, since I keep forgetting to take that one page into the shower with me.  *headdesk*

I don’t know what is with me lately… I have lost all interest in creating things… photography, vlogging… even writing a post for this blog takes effort.  I think it’s just (heh, “just”) a depression relapse - I’ve had a feeling that my meds haven’t been working as well as they used to for a while now.  With any luck I’ll make a doctor’s appointment tomorrow (I need to, anyways, as I need refills on prescriptions).

What I’m really worried about, though, is… what if it’s not a depression relapse?  What if I’ve lost interest in photography and whatever else for good?

I don’t want that.  I’m really not sure what I’ll do if that’s the case.